For you are my dar and i am ur dar dar...: March 2006

YOU. are the kind that will continue to love a guy more than he loves u until he loves u more then u will walk away.

By Sammie..

If you love someone, let them go, if you're meant to be, they will come back to you

Is there only one soulmate for each other?

Roller coaster rides are fun but too many rides make you sick. (Quote by my Mich Mich)

I'm tired.I'm beat. But I have decided that I want to stay on in this. Through good times and bad times, through it all..

Innocent love does not exist in a reality world..

Cynical.. but he caught me just before the sand fell through his fingers..

DRAINED.. I DON WANNA HURT NO MORE...

I can't get to sleep.. It's Saturday night..

I drifted in and out of bed and received a number of calls of which 3 calls made up an indecent proposal which shocked the hell outta me...

and ..

The last call broke my my heart...

I gave all I could .. I have reached saturation point.. There's nothing else other than tears that I can give to you now that you have broke my heart...

Maybe we are just too alike, stubborn and headstrong.. It has been a fruitful learning curve to me though. I try to see the good of things. In your case, you feel that we're too different.. Maybe, it just doesnt matter anymore... To me, to you or to anyone else..

I want to blame you. But I can blame no one. It's just luck and fate that our paths have crossed. Knowing or unknowingly, we've grown in ways more than we ever know..

To me, this has only proven to me how members of the opposite sex think differently... I'll be sure to consider that whenever I engage in anything that I choose to embark on..

As I can't get to bed.. I just want to touch on and clarify what has happened over this last year and a half...

You've proven to me platonic friendship between males and females cannot exist. Kelvin and James asked me and I found that I have failed though to this very moment, I still believe that it can exist..

Our relationship has always been a rocky rollercoaster ride of which many deemed to fail from the start... No matter rain or shine or the vivacious things people did to try to break our bond, we held on so tight because we believed that as long as we had each other, nothing ever matters....

And yes, it was us, which broke us up..

I wonder how many will rejoice now at this chemical reaction.

You always claimed that I had expectations from you..

I'm a complicated person, i know. To be honest, I just want a clean-cut and normal relationship. You're dysfunctional. You hang around dysfunctional people. Maybe that's why we're doomed from the start. I never expected much from you. I have come to think that everyone has expectations from everybody. I'm wrong to claim that I have no expectations. But I never expected that your words formed my expectations and that you will scratch your way out even if it means hurting me. You overpromised and underdelivered. That is what really bugged me because in the first place I never asked for your promises. I detest your nonchalence and your individualistic behaviour. That's what really made me snap. You know that you can't provide me with anything. I claimed that I can accept and understand that, yet, a leopard never changes its spots. I think deep down, I still try very hard to fight for your attention. It's too tiring and draining on my part. The last 4 fridays have taken their toll on me....

On your part, you are trying to change me. You claim that you never know what I want... Maybe you didn't try hard enough. A simple thing can easily please someone, maybe you just don't want to put in that effort. Maybe it's just how you are like so you always claim to be...Perhaps I'm really not that important to you.. I don't know. I guess nothing really matters anymore. You won't even bother to clear the air up with me because you don't feel like it. To me, you are just plain selfish. I'll never forget how you hung up on me tonight...You made me feel worthless. W-O-R-T-H-L-E-S-S. I've never felt so low in my life.

I've never cried so hard in my life and I am appalled at my own behaviour.. I wonder if you are sleeping in your bed cosily without a care in the world while my eyes turn red and swollen....

I still wonder why when we are in relationship thereafter being such gd friends, we still can't club together. Maybe people who are in a relationship can't party together? Being the attention seeker that you are, I believe I should have seen this coming. I just never realised that you play, club and drink harder now...

Your contradictions make me feel that you are playing with my mind. You claim that I am the one who is playing with my own mind. There's no effect without the cause and no smoke without fire... Do grow up and reconsider the flow of events which led to your actions...

I never expected that at the end of the day, you would push my expectations to the fault of our relationship..I know that deep down you've failed me. But I am not pushing any blame. It's just too bad that things don't work out. Maybe we don't have enough fate or luck. We were so good as friends... It's really a shame...I know i've put in enough effort and given my best..I'm only 24.. all i really want is to be happy yet, I'd rather feel pain than to feel nothing at all...

Just know that I never ever wanted to change you because I still know and remember why I had fallen in love with you in the first place...It was not love at first sight.... it was through experiences together which brought us together...We're extreme people..We've had really happy moments and I cherish them....

I still love you, in more ways than you ever know...

"You can give without loving but you can't love without giving. But do know that sometimes, love is not just about giving."

Heroes are lonely...

If you are a hero, why do you not know about loneliness?
- Lalala’s song…I like

Without expectations, there is no disappointment...

I've come to grown to accept this fact.. In addition, as I’ll never be able to control or manipulate everyone or everything in life.. I live with the cold hard fact that I have to take everything which comes my way.. It’s only easier to deal with it if you are willing to succumb..

I keep silent now when I am feeling unhappy.. I still lash out about the minimal unhappiness that I derive.. But I believe that is the right thing to do.. One just can’t bottle everything up…

Am I starting to be jaded? (Jaded – dulled by experience)

I don’t understand why we can’t spend quality time with our families.. Is it just so hard to compromise that you feel that I am forcing you? Is money all that’s all on your mind? We never ever had the thought that you will come for freeloading… Will J&J eventually follow into your footsteps? I’ve said it once, I’ve said it all the time.. Watches, Work, Friends, Money, Family then me…. You only prove me right…

Loyalty unwavering, love unforgettable..

or

Loyalty intact, love unforgettable

My 5 doubles. "nuff said.. Mahjong on Friday, 16/03/2006 @ Cousin's hse..

What will come will eventually come..

If love is ever-lasting, it is not counted by days and nights together

Loyalty intact, love unforgettable...

BROWNIE BATTER! You scored 85% SWEET, 74% CHUNKY, and 74% UNIQUE!
brownie batter ice cream with a rich brownie batter swirl Mmmm....you are a very sweet mix indeed! You are warm, loving, and caring to all those around you, but you're not boring in the least! You have a wild streak and a creative, unique streak, too. You are a great friend, an interesting person, and you know how to have fun without ending up crouching over a toilet bowl. Nice!

I know what I'm lacking and I'm working on it...

I feel so empty and oh so complex...

Carap.............

pHiLoSoPhiCal

You never know what light is until you're out of the dark

You never know what pain is until you've been hurt..

You never know what freedom is until you've been controlled...

You never know what loneliness is until you've been isolated..

If you've never been sad, you wouldn't know what happiness is..

Losing isn't a bad thing all the time..

It's how we handle it that determines if we've won or lost...

Why are we so hooked up on winning?

The world is more empty than you know it....

Is this LOVE? ---- Hamasaki Ayumi

Music soothes the soul.. Love songs ease the pain...

Anata ga yasashiku mitsumeru shisen no
Saki dewa hosoi kata wo shiteru
Kanojo ga yasashiku shiawasesou na kao de
Warainagara unazuiteta

You gaze at her tenderly
And she smiles and nods
Her shoulders narrow
And her face filled with tenderness and happiness

Nanika ga ookina oto wo tatenagara
Kuzurete itta you na ki ga shitan dakedo
Miugoki dekizu tada tachitsukushiteta dake

I felt as if something crumbled
With a loud sound
But I just stood stock still, unable to move

Doushite watashi ja nai no tte kokkei de kudaranai
Toikake nante shinai kedo
Watashi ga mita koto nai you na anata ga soko ni wa ite
Tada tada tooku ni kanjita no
Konna kimochi ittai nante ittara ii

I'm not going to say something quaint or stupid
Like "why isn't it me?"
But you're over there, looking like I've never seen you look before
And you just felt so far away
What is this feeling?

Anata ga tokidoki miseru kanashii me no
Wake wo shitte shimatta kara

Now I know the reason
Why your eyes sometimes look so sad

Nanika shite ageru koto ga dekiru no wa
Watashi demo nakute dareka demo nakute
Tada hitori dake nante koto mo wakatta no

I also realized there's only one person
Who can do anything for you
And it's not me or anyone else

Itsu kara anata ni konna ni hikarete ita no nante
Imagoro ki zuita furi shite
Miesuita uso toka tsuite gomakashite mitan dakedo
Tada tada yokei munashikute
Konna kimochi wo hito wa koi da to yobu no ka na

I pretended I didn't realize
How attracted I was to you until just now
And tried to fool myself with an obvious lie
But it was just even more futile
I wonder if this feeling is what people call love

Doushite watashi ja nai no tte kokkei de kudaranai
Toikake nante shinai kedo
Watashi ga mita koto nai you na anata ga soko ni wa ite
Tooku ni kanjite shimatta no

I'm not going to say something quaint or stupid
Like "why isn't it me?"
But you're over there, looking like I've never seen you look before
And you felt so far away

Itsu kara anata ni konna ni hikarete ita no nante
Imagoro ki zuita furi shite
Miesuita uso toka tsuite gomakashite mitan dakedo
Tada tada yokei munashikute
Konna kimochi wo kitto koi da tte iu no ne

I pretended I didn't realize
How attracted I was to you until just now
And tried to fool myself with an obvious lie
But it was just even more futile
This feeling is definitly love, isn't it?

Fading memories?

I remember how I first met you, the encounters we shared and most importantly of all, how we fell in love..

It now dawned on me that we led a different life from the start. If we combined our experiences postively, fireworks can dazzle. If we saw it as our irreconcilable differences, then we can never be one. The future will only look bleak for us.

In my life, I'd rather choose to have and be loved and not lose (not lost) than not to have loved at all..

I'd rather choose to feel pain than not to feel anything at all...

< /div>

Mood: Depressed and melacholy

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Being in a relationship is tough.. why do I only realise the painful truth now?

All the understanding, trust and commitment...

All along, I've being deceiving myself ...or has the truth been deceiving me?

*Would you rather have loved and lost than not to love at all?

What remained a the end of our last practice boating trip - life buoys, life jackets and our feet..

Suntanning and lazing on the boat..

What the...?? Jermaine got lost lah..

Best friends through it all.. since we were 17...

*I was forced to take this photo while talking to my dar by momo..Jermaine who got lost in the group of hunky dragon boaters.. Phil went to get her..

Momo Lee..

Momo Power...

Kallang trees - walking to the sea sports club on a beautiful Sunday morning.. (5th March 2006)

Searching for?

Photowhoring.. The tide's not up yet what!

Yet again

Destiny Reading

Section 1: The SunSun in Scorpio:
For you, Jacqueline, this lifetime revolves upon the theme of experiencing your emotional depths, and penetrating the surface of life to explore the hidden, dark, secret or taboo. What lurks in the shadows or in the inner depths of the human soul is what concerns you, and it is your task to become aware of and express what you find hidden there. What society at large may fear or repress, you are fascinated with and drawn to experience and understand. This may include both a fear of and absorption with death and the mysterious side of life, delving into the politics of sexuality and power and experiencing strong, "dark" emotions such as passion, jealousy, revenge or a desire for control. At times you may feel like a misfit, that your yearnings, desires, and true inclinations are somehow wrong or bad, or even that you are bad. You could take on a social persona which is dark and hints at something sinister (such as always wearing black, going out only at night...). However, your feeling for the dark undercurrents of life and your drive to experience life passionately and intensely, without avoiding any of it, may be expressed less overtly.
You are attracted to crisis, those transition times in life when people are tested, when their social masks do not matter anymore, and the true person is revealed. You may feel most alive and most yourself in life and death situations, whether you are involved in saving lives (as a doctor or healer), in destroying them (as in war), or simply by seeking out dangerous situations and dangerous companions. Often you will create your own crisis (especially in the arena of your close personal relationships) in order to pit yourself against the challenge. Other people may view this as a self-destructive urge in you, Jacqueline, a masochistic (or sadistic) streak. The truth is you would rather feel pain, than to feel nothing at all. You want to be fully immersed in it, deeply and passionately involved. (Life for you is not a spectator sport).

Momo Lee - the obscene

Sunday morning, 05/03/06 - pose pose.. setting sail..

Why is sticking out of our tongues the only pose we have??

Act cute Philip and me..

Out to sea.. with a lousy singer singing at the bazaar near the indoor stadium..

Smile!

Stick your tongues out..

Lick.. me in the driver's seat, Jermaine in the back seat and Momo in the passenger seat..

Jermaine, the odd one out.. In mah car.. downstairs...

Your daily horoscope - Scorpio

Sunday 12 March 2006

http://www.astrology.com/index3.php

You feel like you have everything in shipshape order, but the universe is about to throw you a curveball just to keep you on your toes. Your reflexes are fast enough to deal with it, so expect the unexpected.

Is this trying to tell me something?

Photo whoring, with all the guys staring at us...Buffet was not bad..

Saturday 04/03/06, Phil invited me to instructor's night.. or did i invite myself? =P thot since jer was going, i'll come along.. went boating with jas in the morn then shopping then home to shower, then took cab to the place..cos phil said he'll take me home.. lolx..

After the buffet, Phil peeled prawns for me, what a gentleman!! With Jermaine at the yucky Kallang Sea Sports Club, Ehhehe.. we were the "most watched gals" that nite!

Jermaine and I adjourned to the dragon boat along the coast with our Tiger Beers to talk, enjoy the night sea breeze and photowhore! No mosquitoes thankfully..