DRAINED.. I DON WANNA HURT NO MORE...

I can't get to sleep.. It's Saturday night..

I drifted in and out of bed and received a number of calls of which 3 calls made up an indecent proposal which shocked the hell outta me...

and ..

The last call broke my my heart...

I gave all I could .. I have reached saturation point.. There's nothing else other than tears that I can give to you now that you have broke my heart...

Maybe we are just too alike, stubborn and headstrong.. It has been a fruitful learning curve to me though. I try to see the good of things. In your case, you feel that we're too different.. Maybe, it just doesnt matter anymore... To me, to you or to anyone else..

I want to blame you. But I can blame no one. It's just luck and fate that our paths have crossed. Knowing or unknowingly, we've grown in ways more than we ever know..

To me, this has only proven to me how members of the opposite sex think differently... I'll be sure to consider that whenever I engage in anything that I choose to embark on..

As I can't get to bed.. I just want to touch on and clarify what has happened over this last year and a half...

You've proven to me platonic friendship between males and females cannot exist. Kelvin and James asked me and I found that I have failed though to this very moment, I still believe that it can exist..

Our relationship has always been a rocky rollercoaster ride of which many deemed to fail from the start... No matter rain or shine or the vivacious things people did to try to break our bond, we held on so tight because we believed that as long as we had each other, nothing ever matters....

And yes, it was us, which broke us up..

I wonder how many will rejoice now at this chemical reaction.

You always claimed that I had expectations from you..

I'm a complicated person, i know. To be honest, I just want a clean-cut and normal relationship. You're dysfunctional. You hang around dysfunctional people. Maybe that's why we're doomed from the start. I never expected much from you. I have come to think that everyone has expectations from everybody. I'm wrong to claim that I have no expectations. But I never expected that your words formed my expectations and that you will scratch your way out even if it means hurting me. You overpromised and underdelivered. That is what really bugged me because in the first place I never asked for your promises. I detest your nonchalence and your individualistic behaviour. That's what really made me snap. You know that you can't provide me with anything. I claimed that I can accept and understand that, yet, a leopard never changes its spots. I think deep down, I still try very hard to fight for your attention. It's too tiring and draining on my part. The last 4 fridays have taken their toll on me....

On your part, you are trying to change me. You claim that you never know what I want... Maybe you didn't try hard enough. A simple thing can easily please someone, maybe you just don't want to put in that effort. Maybe it's just how you are like so you always claim to be...Perhaps I'm really not that important to you.. I don't know. I guess nothing really matters anymore. You won't even bother to clear the air up with me because you don't feel like it. To me, you are just plain selfish. I'll never forget how you hung up on me tonight...You made me feel worthless. W-O-R-T-H-L-E-S-S. I've never felt so low in my life.

I've never cried so hard in my life and I am appalled at my own behaviour.. I wonder if you are sleeping in your bed cosily without a care in the world while my eyes turn red and swollen....

I still wonder why when we are in relationship thereafter being such gd friends, we still can't club together. Maybe people who are in a relationship can't party together? Being the attention seeker that you are, I believe I should have seen this coming. I just never realised that you play, club and drink harder now...

Your contradictions make me feel that you are playing with my mind. You claim that I am the one who is playing with my own mind. There's no effect without the cause and no smoke without fire... Do grow up and reconsider the flow of events which led to your actions...

I never expected that at the end of the day, you would push my expectations to the fault of our relationship..I know that deep down you've failed me. But I am not pushing any blame. It's just too bad that things don't work out. Maybe we don't have enough fate or luck. We were so good as friends... It's really a shame...I know i've put in enough effort and given my best..I'm only 24.. all i really want is to be happy yet, I'd rather feel pain than to feel nothing at all...

Just know that I never ever wanted to change you because I still know and remember why I had fallen in love with you in the first place...It was not love at first sight.... it was through experiences together which brought us together...We're extreme people..We've had really happy moments and I cherish them....

I still love you, in more ways than you ever know...

"You can give without loving but you can't love without giving. But do know that sometimes, love is not just about giving."