Email...

Subject:Dar
Date: Thu, 5 Jan 2006 01:58:38 +0800

Hi Dar,

I stayed up late to pen my thoughts of our relationship in this email. I just wanted to let you know what's going thru my head....as accurate as i could understand myself.

I'm a difficult person to get along all the while, it's a proven fact. I'll only warm up to strangers, go to the very extreme and extend to leave a good impression of myself in them. However, this kinda of notion fades as time goes by and as I get to know them better.

Most people think and feel that it's because I'm selfish. They think that it's my way of making myself happy by gaining people's acceptance. They thought once that's achieved, I'll feel that there's no longer a need to be nice to these people anymore. I would diminish their importance to me in my life, I will slowly neglect them, cast them aside, avoid them, try to piss them off in hope that they'll flare up and initiate to abort the alliance. I can't say that they are wrong, to a certain extent it's true. I realized that I'm more than what i thought i was to be, I'm more complex than i could understand myself. Sometimes, I'll switch into this self deceptive mode to do things to deceive myself's.

I think that I'm really an extreme fellow. Sometimes i do quarrel with myself, I make things difficult for myself, torture myself, say things that I don't really meant, do things that's not straight from my heart. I'll be hypocrite, scheming and unforgiving.

I know myself, I'm trying to change for the better. I don't know if you can see and feel that I'm trying to change. I don't think you do see or feel that. I knew that I've done many things to make you feel uncomfortable, I've been argumentative and quarrelsome. I've said many things in many occasions that really pissed you off. I knew you have doubts on me, you question yourself about my sincerity and true intentions with regards to our this relationship.

Dar, I admit that I've not treated you good enough as I should have to........I realize that I've failed to pay more attention to your feelings. I've taken things for granted, I've always wanted to get my point across and block out opinions of others. I did that with no deliberate intentions to make you feel sad or harm you...........I really hope that you'll forgive me.
Dar, I ask for your forgiveness.....i don't know if you'll ever forgive me..

Love Dar Dar