Friday, February 03, 2006

Time Goes By.. So Slowly..

It is Friday evening.. the 6th day of the Lunar New Year.. Everyone is away except 4 more other ladies in the office.. I am the 5th one..

Isn't it weird how on Fridays when everyone is off enjoying the start of the weekend and I am left in the office..

Don't ask me why.. Mondays to Thursdays.. Zoom.. I am out.. Most of the time, I try to work very hard during Mondays to Thursdays to clock more hours so that I do not have to come in on Fridays and thus enjoy a loonng weekend..

I'm blogging now.. so that by the time it turns Eight, I do not have to pay the extra charge to take a cab to my empty house...

WHY!! WHY am I alone on this Chingay-rehearsal Friday??

1. Because my Dar is sick and he is resting in the office and his stupid partner wants to start work at 8 pm when it is an auspicious hour and I should not be around to disturb (which I agree)

2. Dad and mom went for a gathering with their old-time friends to Lo-Hei..

3. Nana went out ..

Thus leaving me behind..

Momo is out with Angelia.. I should go and meet them later..

I am moving with a weary heart, almost seeming to wallow in depressision.

Is it that time of the month again? PMS?

I think so.. How to snap out of it?

Momo and I were conversing on the topic of getting married.

I feel like it's time where I want to venture on that step.. but then again, I don't think the people (my Dar, my family and friends) think that I am ready for it..

Then again, can you ever be ready for marriage?

Or rather, does the coming of age symbolise when you should get married?

To-me, marriage seems the "normal" thing that you should do..

People should get married for companionship and for the sake of pro-creation............

Then again, will you ever tire of your chosen one?

Will you be one day sick of him/her and through your roving eyes turn to someone else? Even if you say no, can you guarantee that your chosen one will not do so?

No one knows.. Period. I hate this feeling whereby only Time has the answer and I am not able to do anything about it...

To me, time, how long you have spent together, the age you are at should not affect your marriage plans.. Whoever said that a marriage based on a short term relationship would never work out and vice versa?

I was together with him for 4 years.. yet, it didn't work out..

Marriage is like a gamble.. Who does not want to win this game?

I know dar does not treat our relationship like a game and always emphasizes that it is not about winning and losing and you should concentrate on loving the person....

I am still trying to straighten out my thoughts on this marriage thing..

I think I want my own personal space.. my own living space.. my own right to do whatever I want.. *bring guys home? think again...

More importantly, I feel that I am at the cross-roads of my life..

Although now I feel that each minute of working time passes by so slowly, I cannot deny that time has cruelly passed on me.. I am the quarter of a century old this year.. and I have no idea what I want in life..

Dar is right, things in life do not go according to expectations. It seems fated in life that things have happened the way it has for a reason and you aren't able to do anything about it except to accept it..

Sigh.. some things seem meant to be..

I always thought I knew what I wanted. Seems now that I really don't...


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